Self esteem is an important aspect if you want to develop quality relationships. But it is even more important when we talk about the victims of manipulating and controllers people. And that’s because a low self-esteem makes us vulnerable and turns us into a safe target for „lost” identity hunters. We don’t know who we are anymore and what we want from life.
We know, on the other hand, that something doesn’t work in our relationship, but we don’t know what it is. Plus, it’s difficult to detach and leave everything behind.
Same problem at work. The boss is the supreme sovereign who dictates our life, makes us carry his bag and shoes, insults , threatens us, sabotages our work and even cuts off our salary. Instead of fighting, we choose silence. Why? Because we don’t have self-confidence and don’t respect ourselves enough. The others treat us the same way we treat ourselves. It’s simple.
It is a problem which roots penetrates the deepest in your childhood, when your parents or those who educated you have repeatedly told you that you were good for nothing, other children were smarter or more beautiful than you , you were incapable of managing your life and would do nothing in the future. These negative beliefs are the ones that dictated your life course over the years and turned you into a victim. Fortunately, there are methods that can help you regain your self-confidence and set your direction to a fulfilled life from any point of view.
1. Positive affirmations
These are suggestions that I recommend you to integrate into your daily routine. If your mind was once scheduled to adopt negative patterns, it can now be rescheduled, replacing old patterns with some positive ones.
I recommend you the following exercise:
Write down a list of the most negative beliefs you have about yourself. Find the opposite of these beliefs and write them on a sheet of paper at the present tense. Starts with „I am …”, „I feel …”.
Examples of affirmations that increase your self-esteem:
I deserve to be loved.
I deserve to live abundantly.
I have confidence in myself, I have confidence in the existence.
I accept and love myself the way I am.
You can use these or create some to represent yourself.
2. Love yourself!
Besides this exercise, there are other things you can do to increase your self-esteem. Be aware that you need love. Not the love of others, but love for your own person. Yeah, you got it right. You have to love yourself so much that you would not allow anyone else to hurt you in any way, not through words or deeds. I’m telling you this just because you’re mocking yourself right now. The simple fact that you stay in a relationship that brings you nothing but unhappiness or continue to postpone quitting a job where you have no satisfaction, means that you don’t consider your own desires. There was no one to teach you how to love yourself. You have been so criticized and no one has ever considered your opinion or desires; you have always been feeling worthless. Moreover, you thought it was natural to feel like this and attributed external causes to your unhappiness.
3. Take care of your body!
To start loving you, I suggest you to start with your body. I know very few people satisfied with the way they look and not even that small percentage would not give themselves a maximum grade. Start making fitness, go to the gym, take swimming lessons or run into the park every day. Try to make a habit of practicing a sport. It will help you relax more easily, have more energy and at the same time discipline your mind, so you will be able to concentrate better and do more than ever before in a shorter time. Not to say what look would you have in two or three months. When you will be proud of your body and end up loving it, your self-esteem will grow.
Be careful about your diet and health and try to do as much as possible for you, for your own comfort. Read a book that inspires you, watch a good comedy or show, go out with friends, go shopping or go on a small trip, immerse yourself in tons of aromatic foam, listen to music, dance, sing, meditate each morning and evening. It’s important that every day you do something for yourself.
4. Learn to say NO!
As far as your personal comfort is concerned, I would include here setting the limits when you come in contact with people whose behavior disturbs you. Learn to say NO when it’s the case, and do not let yourself manipulated by others. If you get an invitation but don’t want to go, refuse politely, saying you’ve already made other plans. It’s called assertive communication. It’s not a tragedy and don’t even think you’re upsetting someone. And if that person gets upset, it’s his or her problem, not yours. Everyone is responsible for their own thoughts and feelings. Today, you are only allowed to do what you like. And if someone is asking you questions, you can blame me. Tell him that I told you so 🙂
5. Stop comparing yourself to others!
It’s recommended to feel good and be yourself. When you compare to someone, there may be two possibilities: you compare yourself to people less fortunate than you, which can give you a sense of gratitude. However , most of the time you compare to those who have more than you. More money, more health, a brilliant career, a loving family or less (fewer pounds, as an example :))
6. Think positive!
Positive thinking can also help you in raising and maintaining your self-esteem . Be attentive to your inner monologue, that voice in your mind that says, „You can’t,” „You don’t know,” „You’re weak.” Depreciation contributes to maintaining a low level of self-esteem. Stop hitting yourself and instead find your strengths and make a habit of congratulating you every day for your extraordinary qualities. If you’ve made your own habits, why not make a habit of appreciating yourself? For more details on negative thinking read the article Positive Thinking, a weapon that can help you get rid of emotional blackmail.
7. Say „Thanks” to compliments!
Get used to responding „Thank you” to every compliment you receive. When I compliment someone, often happens to hear, „Do you talk about these shoes? Well, they’re old, can’t you see that? „Or „Yes, but I have to lose a few pounds, „or” It is not a big deal „or” I was well-suited before, but now … „
If you can’t accept a compliment, it’s like telling yourself that you don’t deserve it and thus sabotage your self-esteem.
Stay close to people that makes you feel good. When you are in an abusive relationship or even after, you need people to support and respect you unconditionally, accepts you the way you are.
And, last but not least,
8. Make a list of the qualities and successes you have had in the past, no matter how inconceivable.
9. Help whenever you can and you will feel better.
And remember to be yourself, no matter what.
Keep your integrity, be honest with you, and act accordingly regardless of others.
No passivity, no regrets.
You don’t need to apologize for being yourself.
In the end, I’ll let you with a statement: „Because one believes in oneself, one does not try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one does not need other approval. Because one accepts himself, the whole world accepts him or her. „(Lao Tzu)
As for you, how is your self-esteem? And if you have any suggestions to share, please leave a comment below, for the common well-being.
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Many thanks to www.unsplash.com for the picture.