When you have been for a long time in an abusive relationship, it’s inevitable that resentment occurs. That’s because nobody likes to be controlled and dominated. I may be hearing some voices shouting out vehemently: „You’re not right! If he/she is with him, it means that he/she likes it.” This is the opinion of uniformed people, that have never been in such a situation.The reason why someone are stuck in an abusive relationship makes the subject of another article. What I intend to emphasize now is that any attack on a person’s physical and emotional integrity produce harmful reactions and feelings for both partners. Whenever your partner doesn’t trust you, what you’re feeling are resentment. Whenever you catch him or her reading your texts, what you’re feeling that moment has only one name: resentment.
According to the dictionary, resentment is hostile to someone, caused by an older dissatisfaction.
I suppose that’s how you feel when he or she’s exploiting you financially or doesn’t want to find a job (although he/she claims that he/she has been trying and even struggling to prove it) and also when he or she’s not being there when you need him /her or setting rules. It’s been years and guess what you feel when you remember all the bad things he or she has done to you. You know well: resentment.
And all your anger is directed to your partner because you’re thinking like that: if he wouldn’t have done that to me, I wouldn’t have felt so bad.
One said: „When you point one finger, there are three fingers pointing back to you.” The persons staying right beside you is the reflection of what’s inside of you. And change can only start with you. Only releasing negative emotions can bring you freedom. Yes, I mean the real freedom, not just the emotional one. Everything you feel and thinks connects you to your partner and without realizing, you are the one who does not let him/her go. Should you replace your resentment with forgiveness, you will not only solve your relational problems, but you would live comfortably with yourself, in peace and harmony.
Take on responsibility
And now let’s get to work. Take a sheet of paper and write: „I have resentment because, years ago, I chose to be quiet and not talking to you about what I was feeling. I chose not telling you anything about my situation. You had so much time off and I was working all the time. And I choose to work constantly, so I do nothing about it. I choose to remain in this situation, I choose to be abused. „As you have realized, this is just an example. You are free to write down about everything that dislikes you. Then look into the mirror and speak it loud and clear. This is a statement that returns to your own self. It also allows you to act and move towards freedom, as this is the moment when you take responsibility for your choices. It is the first time you acknowledge that you have abandoned and betrayed yourself in that relationship. This is the moment when you start to be honest with you again.
The last step is telling yourself that you have ceased to lie and mark this change drawing a line in the sand. So do not lie and be grateful for the courage to recognize the truth.
Awareness of the truth
The second statement I recommend you will help you to realize the truth, have a profound spiritual impact on you and help you evolve. You do not need to understand its meaning. Be patient, someday you will understand.
The statement is:
I LOVE YOU!
You don’t have to speak out loud these words. You just have to tell them whenever the aggressor comes up and even when you’re far away from him.
These statements can be applied in couple’s relationship, but also in the workplace and family.
If you are not willing to do everything that stays in your power to get rid of resentment, besides the mental discomfort you’re feeling right now you will have to face another big challenge. The medical world and also psychotherapists are agree that negative emotions get you sick. Resentment can cause indigestion, hyper-acidity or gas, and over time may result in diseases such as rheumatism and ulcer. It is also a discipline that talks about such things and is an object of study at the Faculty of Psychology. It’s called psychosomatic.
So don’t waste your time! Release your resentment and, finally, your aggressor, by using these two methods. They will not help you forget, but forgive and move on. That’s all you need.
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Many thanks to www.unsplash.com for the picture.